The Love Guru: Dear Almost But Not Quite
“Dear Love Guru, I feel silly doing this but I am an eccentric person and it doesn’t really hurt to ask! I am so in love with my man and we’ve been together for almost 9 years now, I’m patiently trying to wait for him to pay off some expenses in his life before he proposes to me and we get a house together. The problem is that I’m not 100% sure if he’s really “the one“ .. I think he is, but how do I know? I want to be sure so that when and if he ever does propose I know if I can confidently say “I do“ and share my life with him. Please help!” show_border=”yes” show_quote_icon=”yes”]
You’re right: it doesn’t hurt to ask. And from one eccentric to another, let me say this: better to ask this question now than 10 years into an iffy marriage. And trust me when I say this: if you proceed with your partner without answering this question, it will come up again. And it may not be pretty.
There are some things that jump out at me: “patiently trying to wait,” “been together almost 9 years” and when you talk about his proposal, you still seem uncertain as to whether or not he intends to ever pop the question. So here are some questions for you: have you talked about marriage? Have you talked about owning a home together? Do you feel confident that he has the discipline it requires to “pay off some expenses” ? I ask because it is unwise to assume you have had this conversation with your partner and also because it is essential that you do so. You would be amazed how many marriages fall apart because the partners never discussed whether or not they wanted to have children prior to getting hitched. I imaging you probably know some people in this predicament. It seems so simple to talk it through, doesn’t it? But there are different types of love out there, and that means sometimes things get cloudy.
I also notice that you said you are so in love with him and after 9 years without putting a ring on it I’d say this counts for a lot. Clearly this is someone you are deeply connected to. And so I wonder… what is the real hold up?
One thing to consider is a little bit of space. Even a weekend away without him could help you find the clarity you are craving. My sense is that you already know the answer, you just need let it rise to the surface.
So find an opportunity of some kind to have some quiet time alone. If you can, get out into nature! Do not delay. Start a simple meditation practice by sitting for a few moments at the beginning and end of each day. Do it today. Or really go for it and find yourself a GTY-endorsed yoga retreat. Climb up the proverbial mountain and know that the only person who can answer this question is you.
The time is now. Ask away.
Love (the big kind),
Even a weekend away without him could help you find the clarity you are craving. My sense is that you already know the answer, you just need let it rise to the surface.